1
00:00:14,791 --> 00:00:17,333
I swear I'll make you say it.

2
00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:19,250
"KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR"

3
00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:21,291
"KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR"
The words, "I love you."

4
00:00:21,291 --> 00:00:23,000
"KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR"

5
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:25,875
"AAAH!!"

6
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:27,875
"THE GENIUSES' WAR OF HEARTS AND MINDS"

7
00:00:27,875 --> 00:00:29,875
"I'M AN UNWANTED CHILD!!"

8
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:54,833
"STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"

9
00:01:04,041 --> 00:01:05,750
Ai Hayasaka.

10
00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:08,125
Kaguya Shinomiya's personal assistant

11
00:01:08,125 --> 00:01:11,833
is a pro at handling her employer's
impossible demands.

12
00:01:13,583 --> 00:01:15,958
I apologize for this, President.

13
00:01:15,958 --> 00:01:18,541
It's all for Lady Kaguya.

14
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,083
How's the coffee, President?

15
00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:26,958
"AI HAYASAKA WANTS TO STAVE THEM OFF"
How's the coffee, President?

16
00:01:26,958 --> 00:01:29,333
"AI HAYASAKA WANTS TO STAVE THEM OFF"
Oh, it's as good as always.

17
00:01:29,333 --> 00:01:30,458
Is that right?

18
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,166
I'm glad to hear it.

19
00:01:45,041 --> 00:01:46,833
Decaffeinated coffee!

20
00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:47,500
"SHIROGANE'S DAY"
"Sleep"
"Morning Study"
Shirogane is constantly sleep-deprived.

21
00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:48,666
"Go to School"
"Classes"
"Student Council"
Shirogane is constantly sleep-deprived.

22
00:01:48,666 --> 00:01:50,541
"Job"
"Go Home"
"Night Study"
Shirogane is constantly sleep-deprived.

23
00:01:50,541 --> 00:01:52,583
"CAFFEINE"
If he doesn't have caffeine every three hours,

24
00:01:52,583 --> 00:01:53,833
"CAFFEINE"
it's as if his battery runs out.

25
00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:55,541
He's a major caffeine fiend.

26
00:01:55,541 --> 00:01:59,083
Without the caffeine in his coffee
serving as a lifeline,

27
00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:00,750
he crashes!

28
00:02:00,750 --> 00:02:03,625
Goodnight, President.

29
00:02:03,625 --> 00:02:04,416
Now...

30
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,500
...for the next step of my strategy...

31
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:11,541
Like most days,
Kaguya is plotting something, but...

32
00:02:15,791 --> 00:02:17,708
What's wrong?

33
00:02:17,708 --> 00:02:19,166
Hayasaka,

34
00:02:19,166 --> 00:02:20,875
there's been an accident.

35
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,250
President is...

36
00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:25,000
...on my shoulder!

37
00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:28,833
Ch-Change of plans!

38
00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:35,125
Listen! Until I come up with the next plan,
don't let a single soul enter this room!

39
00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:36,958
As you wish.

40
00:02:36,958 --> 00:02:40,541
The first topic of the first episode
of the second season is...

41
00:02:40,541 --> 00:02:43,375
Ai Hayasaka's hardships.

42
00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:47,208
"MISSION:
Don't let a single soul
into the student council room"

43
00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:54,666
I left something in there!

44
00:02:54,666 --> 00:02:58,541
Lady Kaguya is in a really bad mood!

45
00:02:58,541 --> 00:03:01,333
She has this murderous gleam
in her eyes.

46
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,791
Changing people's behaviors...

47
00:03:04,791 --> 00:03:06,833
To accomplish this,
you need to anticipate their actions,

48
00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:07,333
"FUND-RAISING PERMISSION FORM"
To accomplish this,
you need to anticipate their actions,

49
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:08,750
read their train of thought

50
00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:09,708
"Skill: Gal Mode"
and choose
the appropriate intervention.

51
00:03:09,708 --> 00:03:11,875
and choose
the appropriate intervention.

52
00:03:16,250 --> 00:03:20,125
"No one's in the student council room.
It's locked. I can't finish my errands.
People with free time, meet up in the library."

53
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:36,750
Here.

54
00:04:02,291 --> 00:04:04,250
"NAPPING"

55
00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:09,666
Has Lady Kaguya accomplished
her objective?

56
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:13,125
I wouldn't expect a kiss,
but perhaps his head lying on her lap.

57
00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:19,333
Nothing has changed!

58
00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:21,541
Today's battle result...

59
00:04:21,541 --> 00:04:23,833
Kaguya wins.

60
00:04:23,833 --> 00:04:25,916
This still counts!

61
00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:29,083
"THAT WAS BEFORE SUMMER VACATION.
AND NOW..."

62
00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:31,541
Romantic advice?

63
00:04:31,541 --> 00:04:32,791
Yeah, man.

64
00:04:32,791 --> 00:04:38,291
It's like you're the romantic guru around here.
Like Dr. Love or something.

65
00:04:38,291 --> 00:04:41,791
"THE STUDENT COUNCIL
HAS NOT ACHIEVED NIRVANA"
That's fine, but...

66
00:04:41,791 --> 00:04:44,250
"FLOP       "FLIP
DUDE-BRO"      WIMP"
Um... The thing is...

67
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,541
"FLOP       "FLIP
DUDE-BRO"      WIMP"
What the hell happened to you?

68
00:04:45,541 --> 00:04:46,541
"PLAYA!!"
You're like a sleazy player!

69
00:04:46,541 --> 00:04:48,083
"PLAYA!!"
Post-summer vacation!

70
00:04:48,458 --> 00:04:51,666
They say you should take a close look at a boy
if you haven't seen him for three days,

71
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:55,583
and the change is even more obvious
after the month-long summer vacation.

72
00:04:55,583 --> 00:04:56,875
--Various internal changes manifest externally.

73
00:04:56,875 --> 00:05:00,125
--Before summer vacation,
your hair was straight and black!
--Various internal changes manifest externally.

74
00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:01,791
What's this?

75
00:05:01,791 --> 00:05:06,750
Well, that's related
to what I want to ask you about.

76
00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:08,416
All right, fine!

77
00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:11,500
If you're doing a consultation,
I could make myself scarce.

78
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:13,333
No, it's cool.

79
00:05:13,333 --> 00:05:15,333
In fact, I want you to listen in.

80
00:05:16,708 --> 00:05:18,875
So, what's the problem?

81
00:05:18,875 --> 00:05:21,083
Well, it's about Nagisa again.

82
00:05:21,083 --> 00:05:22,708
You know, my girlfriend.

83
00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:24,541
He had to throw that in.

84
00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,666
Aren't things going well
between you two?

85
00:05:27,291 --> 00:05:29,333
Going well?

86
00:05:29,333 --> 00:05:32,916
What's the yardstick for that?

87
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:35,250
It's so-so, I guess.

88
00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:36,708
--President, that expression doesn't say
"so-so" to me. More like "smooth sailing"!

89
00:05:36,708 --> 00:05:40,916
--Well, so-so, I guess
I could really say "not bad"!
--President, that expression doesn't say
"so-so" to me. More like "smooth sailing"!

90
00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:42,416
Right.

91
00:05:42,416 --> 00:05:45,000
I have a sneaking suspicion...

92
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:48,833
...that he's not really here
for advice but to gloat.

93
00:05:48,833 --> 00:05:53,250
No, no way. I'm sure
he's about to get down to business.

94
00:05:53,250 --> 00:05:55,750
How can I put it?

95
00:05:55,750 --> 00:06:00,250
Summer was maybe too awesome.

96
00:06:00,250 --> 00:06:03,500
"I'M TELLIN' YOU..."
It's like, the two of us are lovebirds,

97
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,291
"I'M TELLIN' YOU..."
but where do we go from here?

98
00:06:06,416 --> 00:06:09,541
He is just here to gloat!

99
00:06:09,541 --> 00:06:13,500
Ch-Chill! What do you intend to do
with that toilet paper?

100
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:14,708
So,

101
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:18,708
you're asking me
how to get to the next step?

102
00:06:18,708 --> 00:06:20,291
Um...

103
00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:23,291
More or less, I guess.

104
00:06:24,458 --> 00:06:27,791
President, I think this guy's run out of steps.

105
00:06:27,791 --> 00:06:29,708
No, get out of here.

106
00:06:29,708 --> 00:06:31,625
They've only been a couple for four months.

107
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:32,833
They wouldn't have gone that far.

108
00:06:32,833 --> 00:06:34,375
No, I sense the divine!

109
00:06:34,375 --> 00:06:35,833
It's like he's experienced nirvana!

110
00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:37,875
The ABCs of Love!

111
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:43,250
It's said that it takes high school students
three to six months of dating

112
00:06:43,250 --> 00:06:45,458
before they go all the way to C.

113
00:06:45,458 --> 00:06:48,000
Nagisa and her boyfriend had been going out
for more than three months.

114
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,833
On top of that,
they spent summer vacation together!

115
00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:54,875
It was entirely possible
that they experienced nirvana.

116
00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:58,250
Man, summer vacation was the best!

117
00:06:58,250 --> 00:07:00,833
I'm sure you enjoyed yours,
too, right, President?

118
00:07:00,833 --> 00:07:04,625
All I did was study and work every day.

119
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:09,375
Except at the end when the student council
got together to watch fireworks.

120
00:07:09,375 --> 00:07:11,333
--That's all?
--That's all.

121
00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:13,083
No dates with girls?

122
00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:14,208
None.

123
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:16,875
Kinda sorry I asked.

124
00:07:16,875 --> 00:07:17,958
"GRIT GRIT"
President, what do you intend to do
with that toilet paper?

125
00:07:17,958 --> 00:07:21,708
President, what do you intend to do
with that toilet paper?

126
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:23,416
Oh, there you are.

127
00:07:23,416 --> 00:07:25,666
Oh, Nagisa.

128
00:07:25,666 --> 00:07:27,291
You've got business
with the student council, too?

129
00:07:27,291 --> 00:07:29,291
Yeah, that's right.

130
00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:35,291
I want to discuss something with Kaguya.

131
00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:36,333
That's kind of erotic!

132
00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:39,541
I-Idiot! That's the way you want to see her!

133
00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:39,875
--I just want to talk to Kaguya.

134
00:07:39,875 --> 00:07:42,666
--Those two haven't gone that far!
You're overthinking it!
--I just want to talk to Kaguya.

135
00:07:42,666 --> 00:07:44,416
Huh? Talk to her about what?

136
00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:45,208
--Then, let's investigate.

137
00:07:45,208 --> 00:07:45,875
--That's a secret!
--Then, let's investigate.

138
00:07:45,875 --> 00:07:47,000
--Investigate?

139
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:47,375
--Tell me!
--Investigate?

140
00:07:47,375 --> 00:07:48,291
--Tell me!
--How?

141
00:07:48,291 --> 00:07:49,791
Then it wouldn't be a secret!

142
00:07:49,791 --> 00:07:50,833
Oh, come on!

143
00:07:50,833 --> 00:07:54,708
We have to step out for a bit.
Please have a seat and wait.

144
00:07:55,791 --> 00:07:57,083
Okay.

145
00:07:57,666 --> 00:08:05,333
Look, a couple who's experienced nirvana
will act goofy when they're alone.

146
00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:09,083
Watch closely.

147
00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:11,583
--O-Okay.
--Excuse me.

148
00:08:11,583 --> 00:08:13,375
Would you get out of the way?

149
00:08:13,375 --> 00:08:15,458
Sh-Shinomiya!

150
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:17,333
What are you doing?

151
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:21,750
We're observing those two
to see if they've experienced nirvana.

152
00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:23,375
Those two? That far?

153
00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:25,291
How does she understand it?

154
00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:27,041
One in three people!

155
00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:30,000
What does "nirvana" mean?

156
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:34,166
I think in this situation,
it means divine deeds...

157
00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:38,083
Holding hands!

158
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,666
--What do you say to that?
--I don't know.

159
00:08:40,666 --> 00:08:43,125
Couples hold hands on their first date, right?

160
00:08:43,125 --> 00:08:46,250
President holds hands on a first date!

161
00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:47,333
Huh?

162
00:08:48,916 --> 00:08:51,750
A kiss! She kissed him!

163
00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:53,208
This is nirvana, right?

164
00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:54,541
Not yet!

165
00:08:54,541 --> 00:08:56,666
Kissing is probably like on the third date!

166
00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,583
The third date?

167
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:05,000
He's nibbling her neck!

168
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:05,458
--Wouldn't you say right now that they're
already on their way to nirvana?

169
00:09:05,458 --> 00:09:08,333
--Don't push!
--Wouldn't you say right now that they're
already on their way to nirvana?

170
00:09:08,333 --> 00:09:10,958
No! Necking is like on the fourth date!

171
00:09:10,958 --> 00:09:12,250
The fourth date?

172
00:09:15,166 --> 00:09:17,416
Then, how many dates before nirvana?

173
00:09:17,416 --> 00:09:18,833
Five dates!

174
00:09:25,958 --> 00:09:27,958
--Shinomiya!
--Kaguya!

175
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:28,750
What happ--

176
00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,708
Gotcha!

177
00:09:30,708 --> 00:09:32,583
K-Kashiwagi!

178
00:09:32,583 --> 00:09:34,791
W-We were just...

179
00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:36,166
Sorry.

180
00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:38,958
We were just goofing on you!

181
00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:43,833
We haven't yet gotten to the point
that you all think we're at.

182
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,291
So, relax.

183
00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:47,250
I-I didn't think you were...

184
00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:49,458
Not yet...

185
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,500
Yes.

186
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,416
Of course.

187
00:09:53,416 --> 00:09:55,916
I can't tell if it's true!

188
00:09:55,916 --> 00:09:57,583
Today's battle result...

189
00:09:57,583 --> 00:10:00,166
The student council loses.

190
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:05,208
I mentioned that my type was confident
and wild guys, so he's trying to get there.

191
00:10:05,208 --> 00:10:07,291
He's obedient like that.

192
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:08,708
"TABLETOP GAME CLUB"

193
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:11,500
"TABLETOP GAME CLUB"
We made a board game
at the tabletop game club!

194
00:10:12,708 --> 00:10:15,750
"KAGUYA WANTS TO GET MARRIED"
An original creation?

195
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:20,083
You line up the cards,
with each one representing a square.

196
00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:22,333
It sounds pretty interesting.

197
00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:24,250
We call it the "Happy Life Game"!

198
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:25,000
"GOAL"

199
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,666
Let's play it together!

200
00:10:26,666 --> 00:10:27,791
--No, thanks.
--Pass.

201
00:10:28,750 --> 00:10:31,083
Today's battle result... N/A.

202
00:10:31,083 --> 00:10:33,583
I just have a bad feeling about that game.

203
00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:36,458
Nothing good could come out of a game
created by Fujiwara.

204
00:10:36,458 --> 00:10:41,625
There's nothing to worry about!
It was a group effort by everyone in the club!

205
00:10:41,625 --> 00:10:42,791
Oh, come on.

206
00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:45,708
I'll feel bad if she went to the trouble
of making a game

207
00:10:45,708 --> 00:10:47,625
and everyone refuses to play it.

208
00:10:47,625 --> 00:10:50,333
I-Ishigami!

209
00:10:51,875 --> 00:10:54,958
You're actually a nice guy!

210
00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:59,541
I'm sorry for thinking you were a brute
who beats women with logical arguments!

211
00:10:59,541 --> 00:11:01,500
That's how you thought of me?

212
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:04,083
But it's your own fault
for having such a beatable body.

213
00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:05,833
All right, fine.

214
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,500
But just once.

215
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,083
Yay!

216
00:11:11,375 --> 00:11:13,208
Board games!

217
00:11:13,208 --> 00:11:17,375
A pastime with a history
that can be traced back to Ancient Egypt.

218
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:20,708
The game Fujiwara and her fellow members
made uses cards as squares,

219
00:11:20,708 --> 00:11:21,333
but is otherwise a
traditional board game

220
00:11:21,333 --> 00:11:23,458
"Shuchiin Academy Tabletop Game Club Production
Happy Life Game Instructions"
but is otherwise a
traditional board game

221
00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:26,500
"Shuchiin Academy Tabletop Game Club Production
Happy Life Game Instructions"
in which the player
who earns the most money wins.

222
00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:28,916
Okay, I'll go first.

223
00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:30,875
"LUCKY"

224
00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:31,833
"MISFORTUNE"

225
00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:33,333
"Misfortune"?

226
00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:36,375
Flip over a card
for the square you landed on!

227
00:11:37,875 --> 00:11:39,708
A Traffic Accident card!

228
00:11:39,708 --> 00:11:42,750
Roll the die once more and if it's a one.

229
00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:43,916
It's a one.

230
00:11:43,916 --> 00:11:46,166
Then, you died, Ishigami.

231
00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:47,666
What happens when I die?

232
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:51,125
It's all over.
You're out of the game in last place.

233
00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:52,708
I see.

234
00:11:52,708 --> 00:11:54,458
Be careful, you two.

235
00:11:54,458 --> 00:11:56,500
This game is crap.

236
00:11:56,500 --> 00:12:00,416
--You realized too late.
--You were just unlucky, Ishigami!

237
00:12:00,416 --> 00:12:00,875
--All right, my turn...

238
00:12:00,875 --> 00:12:02,958
--Please show me the rule book.
--All right, my turn...

239
00:12:02,958 --> 00:12:04,125
Here.

240
00:12:07,791 --> 00:12:10,125
It says "After School Event."

241
00:12:10,125 --> 00:12:15,166
With this event, you choose to hang out
after school, or go home and study.

242
00:12:15,166 --> 00:12:16,916
Okay, I'll study at home.

243
00:12:17,583 --> 00:12:19,375
That shows your personality.

244
00:12:19,375 --> 00:12:22,375
Then, I'll give you
a Nerdy Student card, President!

245
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,083
"NERDY
STUDENT"

246
00:12:23,083 --> 00:12:24,583
"NERDY
STUDENT"
Are you making fun of me?

247
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,041
I landed on a Lucky square.

248
00:12:28,041 --> 00:12:31,375
That means something lucky happens to you!

249
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:33,833
"GRIN"
You were tricked by a bad guy,

250
00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:37,375
but it works out when you get
ten million yen from a lawsuit!

251
00:12:37,375 --> 00:12:39,666
That's not lucky at all.

252
00:12:39,666 --> 00:12:43,250
You get a Distrusts All Men card!

253
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:44,708
"DISTRUSTS ALL MEN"
I don't want it.

254
00:12:44,708 --> 00:12:46,750
When you land on a square,
it's removed from the game.

255
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:50,375
That makes it easier for the players
who are behind to catch up.

256
00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:52,166
That's a good idea.

257
00:12:52,166 --> 00:12:54,791
Incidentally, what part of the game
were you in charge of?

258
00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:58,416
"FINISH LINE"
I thought up all of the events!

259
00:12:58,416 --> 00:12:59,666
"FINISH LINE"
I'm not surprised.

260
00:12:59,666 --> 00:13:02,750
"FINISH LINE"
You should be remorseful, not proud.

261
00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:05,041
"FINISH LINE"
And the game continues!

262
00:13:05,041 --> 00:13:09,083
With his Nerdy Student card,
Shirogane goes on to a first-rate university.

263
00:13:09,083 --> 00:13:13,208
Kaguya lands on several lucky squares,
so is currently in the lead with a lot of money.

264
00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:16,833
They've made it past the Child Zone
and are in the Adult Zone.

265
00:13:17,916 --> 00:13:21,333
This game is actually
more decent than I thought.

266
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:27,791
"BLAH-BLAH"
It seems the students other than Fujiwara
who worked on this actually thought it through.

267
00:13:27,791 --> 00:13:28,583
"OUR TABLETOP GAME CLUB!!"
This is where the game originated!

268
00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:31,666
"GIGAKO"
"MAKKY-SENHAI"
"There's also a member named Fujiwara."
This is where the game originated!

269
00:13:31,666 --> 00:13:33,041
"MARRIAGE"

270
00:13:33,041 --> 00:13:33,958
What's this?

271
00:13:33,958 --> 00:13:36,250
A Marriage square.

272
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:39,375
You marry the player
who's in the square closest to you.

273
00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:40,708
Marriage?

274
00:13:40,708 --> 00:13:44,833
Married players share the effects
of the squares they land on.

275
00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:48,458
President is getting married?
T-To whom?

276
00:13:49,291 --> 00:13:52,041
I'm closest to him!

277
00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:59,458
President and I got married!

278
00:13:59,458 --> 00:14:00,958
President...

279
00:14:00,958 --> 00:14:02,416
...got married!

280
00:14:05,458 --> 00:14:07,666
--I-I have to calm down!
--Could you give me some room?

281
00:14:07,666 --> 00:14:10,291
--Th-This is only a game!
--You're so bashful!

282
00:14:10,291 --> 00:14:12,541
I can't confuse this with reality!

283
00:14:12,541 --> 00:14:15,416
"HAPPY GAME LIFE
RULES"
Oh, the other players have to give the newlyweds

284
00:14:15,416 --> 00:14:17,375
"HAPPY GAME LIFE
RULES"
50,000 yen as a wedding gift.

285
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,166
Not real money.

286
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:27,833
The company I founded is a success.

287
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:28,541
"ENTREPRENEURIAL
SUCCESS"

288
00:14:28,541 --> 00:14:31,958
"ENTREPRENEURIAL
SUCCESS"
I get ten million yen. Yay, I'm so lucky.

289
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:34,041
A Birth square!

290
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:35,750
We have a kid!

291
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,291
A kid?

292
00:14:37,666 --> 00:14:40,833
"HEH HEH"
I became a teen mom!

293
00:14:40,833 --> 00:14:43,125
"HEH HEH"
The required gift is 100,000 yen.

294
00:14:43,125 --> 00:14:45,583
Please put away your real money.

295
00:14:47,708 --> 00:14:50,208
My company is listed...

296
00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:51,708
"FIRST SECTION LISTED"
...in the first section of the stock exchange.

297
00:14:51,708 --> 00:14:53,333
"FIRST SECTION LISTED"
Oh, how lucky is that!

298
00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:56,125
And then, the players
move into the Old Age Zone.

299
00:14:56,125 --> 00:14:57,208
We have a whole brood!

300
00:14:57,208 --> 00:14:58,625
"9 KIDS"
We have a whole brood!

301
00:14:58,625 --> 00:15:01,166
"9 KIDS"
President, you've got too much energy.

302
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:02,666
"9 KIDS"
It's not my fault!

303
00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:05,125
You're doing great, Kaguya!

304
00:15:05,125 --> 00:15:07,458
You're the president
of a global corporation!

305
00:15:07,458 --> 00:15:09,500
You're a major success!

306
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:10,958
That's right.

307
00:15:10,958 --> 00:15:12,958
I haven't made any missteps.

308
00:15:12,958 --> 00:15:15,458
And yet, what's this emptiness I feel?

309
00:15:15,458 --> 00:15:17,750
"DECREPIT"
I'm single, even as an elderly woman.

310
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,291
I have plenty of money,
but I'm not happy.

311
00:15:20,291 --> 00:15:23,791
What was the point of my life?

312
00:15:23,791 --> 00:15:26,125
Late Divorce square!

313
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:28,083
I discover my husband cheated on me!

314
00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:30,166
We get a divorce!

315
00:15:30,166 --> 00:15:32,041
You're a scumbag, President.

316
00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,250
This is only a game!

317
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:38,666
"20 MILLION YEN"
Incidentally, the husband has to pay
20 million yen per kid for child support.

318
00:15:38,666 --> 00:15:39,833
"20 MILLION YEN"
"180 MILLION YEN"

319
00:15:39,833 --> 00:15:41,791
You're killing me!

320
00:15:41,791 --> 00:15:43,208
Oh my.

321
00:15:44,416 --> 00:15:46,625
How cute.

322
00:15:46,625 --> 00:15:49,416
You're that happy
when someone's suffering?

323
00:15:50,458 --> 00:15:51,791
Well, my turn.

324
00:15:51,791 --> 00:15:53,250
"MARRIAGE"
H-Huh?

325
00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:55,416
A Marriage square?

326
00:15:55,416 --> 00:15:58,208
The player closest to me is President!

327
00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,708
Then...

328
00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:10,791
P-President and I are...

329
00:16:10,791 --> 00:16:12,666
Shinomiya and I are...

330
00:16:12,666 --> 00:16:14,333
--...married?
--...married?

331
00:16:17,125 --> 00:16:18,583
Wait a second.

332
00:16:18,583 --> 00:16:21,916
Shinomiya has a Distrusts All Men card,

333
00:16:21,916 --> 00:16:24,416
so she can't get married!

334
00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:26,291
What happens then?

335
00:16:26,291 --> 00:16:29,583
Um, the next closest player...

336
00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:31,458
You marry Fujiwara!

337
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,541
Wait!

338
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:43,208
"SPONGY SPONGY"
Kaguya, let's live happily ever after!

339
00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:44,333
"BIRTH"

340
00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:46,250
"BIRTH"
I landed on a Birth square.

341
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:48,500
We have a child!

342
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:49,958
How did that happen?

343
00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:53,500
Another Birth square!

344
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,708
We're spry for our age!

345
00:16:55,708 --> 00:16:57,000
And then...

346
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,708
The finish line.

347
00:16:58,708 --> 00:17:00,166
Game over!

348
00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:01,416
"1st place: KAGUYA, 1,375,000,000 yen"
"2nd place: FUJIWARA, 430,000,000 yen"
"3rd place: SHIROGANE, 95,000,000 yen"
"4th place: THE LATE ISHIGAMI, 0 yen"

349
00:17:01,416 --> 00:17:02,750
"1st place: KAGUYA, 1,375,000,000 yen"
"2nd place: FUJIWARA, 430,000,000 yen"
"3rd place: SHIROGANE, 95,000,000 yen"
So,

350
00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:06,208
Kaguya is the winner
of the Happy Life Game!

351
00:17:06,208 --> 00:17:08,791
I don't have
any happy memories whatsoever.

352
00:17:08,791 --> 00:17:10,250
--Late divorce, child support,
lawsuit payout, loss of trust...

353
00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:12,375
--Wasn't that fun?
--Late divorce, child support,
lawsuit payout, loss of trust...

354
00:17:12,375 --> 00:17:13,541
--Let's play again!
--Late divorce, child support,
lawsuit payout, loss of trust...

355
00:17:13,541 --> 00:17:15,291
--Never again.
--No way.

356
00:17:15,291 --> 00:17:17,041
Why?

357
00:17:17,041 --> 00:17:19,916
I actually enjoyed it.

358
00:17:19,916 --> 00:17:21,166
Lesson...

359
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:25,250
If you marry Fujiwara,
it will drive you to depression.

360
00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:28,291
You should really give the game a total
debugging before having people play it.

361
00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:28,666
Okay.

362
00:17:28,666 --> 00:17:30,583
Right now, the game relies
too much on luck,

363
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,666
--but one workaround would be
being able to pool one roll of the die

364
00:17:32,666 --> 00:17:34,125
--Okay.
--but one workaround would be
being able to pool one roll of the die

365
00:17:34,125 --> 00:17:35,541
--to increase the ability to strategize.
Also, do away with the sudden death element...

366
00:17:35,541 --> 00:17:37,916
--Okay.
--to increase the ability to strategize.
Also, do away with the sudden death element...

367
00:17:38,083 --> 00:17:40,958
"ABOUT 1 YEAR EARLIER"

368
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:44,875
You had a birthday recently,
didn't you, President?

369
00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:47,708
Oh, was that my birthday?

370
00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:49,583
Did you forget?

371
00:17:49,583 --> 00:17:54,875
"KAGUYA WANTS TO CELEBRATE"
I haven't celebrated it in years.
It's no different than any other day.

372
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:57,958
Unless you're telling me
you'll celebrate it next year...

373
00:17:57,958 --> 00:17:59,166
As if.

374
00:17:59,166 --> 00:18:02,333
There's not a snowball's chance in hell.

375
00:18:05,291 --> 00:18:08,291
Four more days until President's birthday!

376
00:18:08,291 --> 00:18:12,833
After what I said last year,
it's hard to bring it up now!

377
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:13,916
Jeez!

378
00:18:13,916 --> 00:18:15,291
Eiffel Tower!

379
00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:19,541
It's like all I can think about
is celebrating President's birthday!

380
00:18:19,541 --> 00:18:21,250
--It's not like I have to do anything
for his birthday!

381
00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:22,458
--D-Diamond!
--It's not like I have to do anything
for his birthday!

382
00:18:23,958 --> 00:18:28,083
Birthday! A special day
that only comes around once a year.

383
00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:30,250
But owing to financial circumstances,

384
00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:34,875
Shirogane has no special feelings
about his birthday and won't even bring it up.

385
00:18:34,875 --> 00:18:40,125
Unless someone said something,
Shirogane's birthday would pass by unnoticed.

386
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,291
Kaguya, are you troubled about something?

387
00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:47,916
Well, I guess you could say that.

388
00:18:49,041 --> 00:18:50,333
In that case...

389
00:18:51,333 --> 00:18:52,750
"FIVE MINUTES LATER"

390
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:57,458
"TA-DA"
Fortune Teller Chika
will read your fortune, Kaguya!

391
00:18:58,791 --> 00:19:00,083
Fortune?

392
00:19:00,083 --> 00:19:01,208
Yes!

393
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:04,083
All you have to do is put your sex
and birthdate onto this site,

394
00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:08,125
"BIRTHDAY FORTUNE"
and it'll solve any problem you have!

395
00:19:08,125 --> 00:19:10,166
"BIRTHDAY FORTUNE"
You're just relying on an app.

396
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:11,458
--In the first place, what can
sex and birthdate tell you...

397
00:19:11,458 --> 00:19:13,916
--Here you go!
--In the first place, what can
sex and birthdate tell you...

398
00:19:13,916 --> 00:19:15,291
Birthdate?

399
00:19:16,208 --> 00:19:18,166
This seems interesting.

400
00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:20,041
Let's all do it.

401
00:19:20,041 --> 00:19:21,541
Yay!

402
00:19:21,541 --> 00:19:24,083
My birthday is January 1st.

403
00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:26,708
I'm a New Year's baby.

404
00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:29,583
Um, born on January 1st...

405
00:19:30,458 --> 00:19:33,708
"You're like an Alexandrite.

406
00:19:33,708 --> 00:19:36,291
Like the gem named after a king,

407
00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:39,166
you have a noble character
and are full of pride.

408
00:19:39,166 --> 00:19:43,833
Moreover, just as this stone has the rare trait
of appearing red or blue at times,

409
00:19:43,833 --> 00:19:48,833
sometimes you are an angel
and sometimes a demon.

410
00:19:48,833 --> 00:19:51,041
--If you throw away your pride
and be honest about your feelings,

411
00:19:51,041 --> 00:19:51,500
--When she's full of pride...
--If you throw away your pride
and be honest about your feelings,

412
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:54,333
--When she's full of pride...
--happiness will come to you."
That's what it says!

413
00:19:56,875 --> 00:19:58,375
...she's a demon!

414
00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:01,583
Did you say something?

415
00:20:01,583 --> 00:20:02,458
No!

416
00:20:03,916 --> 00:20:05,625
That was totally off.

417
00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:06,708
"SHIVER SHIVER"

418
00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:08,250
Miss Fujiwara, I believe your birthday is on...

419
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,333
March 3rd, Girls' Day!

420
00:20:11,083 --> 00:20:14,041
"You're like the flame of a candle.

421
00:20:14,041 --> 00:20:19,125
You light up your surroundings
and your heat slowly melts ice.

422
00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:23,166
That symbolizes dedication and affection.

423
00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:27,208
If you continue to pour love into everything
you do, your wish will come true."

424
00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:29,333
"HEH HEH"
That's what it says!

425
00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:30,916
Dedication? Affection?

426
00:20:30,916 --> 00:20:34,708
I don't know that person. Are they sure it's
not meant to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?

427
00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:37,083
My birthday is also March 3rd.

428
00:20:37,083 --> 00:20:39,708
Why would you do that, you halfwit?

429
00:20:39,708 --> 00:20:40,916
Why are you angry?

430
00:20:40,916 --> 00:20:45,208
When they celebrate mine, they'll have
to celebrate for you at the same time!

431
00:20:45,208 --> 00:20:50,000
Celebrating both of us together
takes away my specialness, you idiot!

432
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:50,416
--Fujiwara, I'm not sensing
any dedication or affection here.

433
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,083
--In the end, horoscopes like that
are no more than the Barnum effect,
--Fujiwara, I'm not sensing
any dedication or affection here.

434
00:20:53,083 --> 00:20:54,041
--saying words that hint at a deeper meaning
--Are you sure it's not supposed to be
"greedy" and "narcissistic"?

435
00:20:54,041 --> 00:20:54,708
"PERSONAL OPINION"
--saying words that hint at a deeper meaning
--Are you sure it's not supposed to be
"greedy" and "narcissistic"?

436
00:20:54,708 --> 00:20:55,416
--which the listener conveniently
interprets to solve the problem.
--Are you sure it's not supposed to be
"greedy" and "narcissistic"?

437
00:20:55,416 --> 00:20:56,958
--which the listener conveniently
interprets to solve the problem.
--Raaar! Graaar!

438
00:20:56,958 --> 00:20:58,708
--But I'll still use it here.
--Wh-What's "Raaar! Graaar"?

439
00:20:58,708 --> 00:20:59,750
Raaar! Graaar!

440
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,875
You're next, President.

441
00:21:01,875 --> 00:21:02,916
Tell me your birth--

442
00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:03,916
I'm not interested.

443
00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:07,625
Horoscopes are no more
than the Barnum effect,

444
00:21:07,625 --> 00:21:10,666
"PERSONAL OPINION"
saying words that hint at a deeper meaning
which the listener conveniently interprets.

445
00:21:11,833 --> 00:21:14,875
N-No! That's not true!

446
00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:18,708
For example, feng shui incorporates
elements of architecture and statistics.

447
00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:20,916
But we're talking
birthday horoscopes, right?

448
00:21:20,916 --> 00:21:23,916
Your birthday is just the day
you happened to be born on.

449
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,500
Like there's any meaning to that?

450
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:29,791
There is! It's a special day
that only comes around once a year!

451
00:21:29,791 --> 00:21:34,291
I once told you and only you
what day my birthday was, Shinomiya.

452
00:21:34,291 --> 00:21:37,625
You have a good memory, but even you forgot
something so inconsequential.

453
00:21:37,625 --> 00:21:39,000
I remember!

454
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,833
You birthday's on September 9th
which makes you a Virgo!

455
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:44,375
Your blood type is O and your
birth weight was 2,118 grams, right?

456
00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:45,500
I remember it, but...

457
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,208
Don't be like that!

458
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:51,541
Other than personality analysis,
this can do compatibility divination!

459
00:21:51,541 --> 00:21:53,250
Let's do it!

460
00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:55,333
I'm not doing any of it!

461
00:21:55,333 --> 00:21:56,375
Jeez!

462
00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:57,500
What's with you?

463
00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:02,791
When someone's trying to celebrate
your birthday out of a sense of noblesse oblige!

464
00:22:02,791 --> 00:22:06,750
Even though I'm sure you have no intention
of celebrating my birthday, right?

465
00:22:06,750 --> 00:22:07,041
"HMPH"

466
00:22:07,041 --> 00:22:07,583
"HMPH"
That's not true.

467
00:22:07,583 --> 00:22:08,458
That's not true.

468
00:22:08,458 --> 00:22:10,000
--Shirogane eagerly watches
the daily horoscope on TV every morning.

469
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,125
--Yes! Virgo is in first place!
--Shirogane eagerly watches
the daily horoscope on TV every morning.

470
00:22:12,125 --> 00:22:15,541
And he has Kaguya's birthday
clearly marked in his date book.

471
00:22:15,541 --> 00:22:18,958
To top it off, Shirogane
has already checked that site.

472
00:22:18,958 --> 00:22:22,833
Both the personality analysis
and the compatibility divination...

473
00:22:22,833 --> 00:22:23,458
"BAM"
"Born on September 9th
x
Born on January 1st"

474
00:22:23,458 --> 00:22:24,708
"Your compatibility is..."
"PRETTY IFFY!!"

475
00:22:24,708 --> 00:22:27,416
"YOU ARE 'PURE SILVER.'"
"SURPRISINGLY MELLOW,
GETS DEPRESSED EASILY..."
I shouldn't have looked!

476
00:22:27,416 --> 00:22:30,458
Shirogane doesn't want Shinomiya
to see the results,

477
00:22:30,458 --> 00:22:34,166
so he refuses to tell her his birthday.

478
00:22:34,166 --> 00:22:34,916
But...

479
00:22:34,916 --> 00:22:38,541
...he couldn't explain that to her, either.

480
00:22:38,541 --> 00:22:40,708
I can't tell her that.

481
00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:46,083
What does that mean?
Is President trying to tell me something?

482
00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:48,875
Maybe...

483
00:22:50,875 --> 00:22:55,625
President only wants me to celebrate it?

484
00:22:55,625 --> 00:22:57,166
Incorrect.

485
00:22:57,166 --> 00:23:02,416
Is he in a bad mood because he thinks
I've forgotten his birthday?

486
00:23:02,416 --> 00:23:03,666
Wrong.

487
00:23:03,666 --> 00:23:04,875
Jeez!

488
00:23:04,875 --> 00:23:06,750
If that's what it is,
then I have no choice.

489
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:08,333
That's not what it is.

490
00:23:08,333 --> 00:23:13,208
Just the two of us celebrating his birthday
would be something a couple would do!

491
00:23:13,208 --> 00:23:17,458
"WRIGGLE WRIGGLE"
Well, I guess he can be selfish once a year!
I can give in just this once!

492
00:23:17,458 --> 00:23:20,041
Shinomiya, is something wrong?

493
00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:23,666
Nothing at all.

494
00:23:23,666 --> 00:23:24,916
An angelic smile?

495
00:23:24,916 --> 00:23:27,041
Thank you for worrying about me.

496
00:23:27,041 --> 00:23:31,125
If you're ever in trouble,
feel free to ask me for advice.

497
00:23:31,125 --> 00:23:32,916
Repulsive!

498
00:23:32,916 --> 00:23:34,166
A birthday party for Shirogane!

499
00:23:34,166 --> 00:23:34,958
"TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT: KAGUYA WINS
(FOR BEING IN A GOOD MOOD)"


A birthday party for Shirogane!

500
00:23:34,958 --> 00:23:38,291
"TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT: KAGUYA WINS
(FOR BEING IN A GOOD MOOD)"
Kaguya decided to have one
with just the two of them!

501
00:23:38,291 --> 00:23:38,916
"ISHIGAMI'S FORTUNE (MARCH 3rd BIRTHDAY)
'CANARY'"
"Symbol of misfortune and sacrifice.
Be careful of slips of the tongue."

502
00:23:38,916 --> 00:23:39,583
"ISHIGAMI'S FORTUNE (MARCH 3rd BIRTHDAY)
'CANARY


They're not going to check my fortune?

503
00:23:39,583 --> 00:23:42,000
"ISHIGAMI'S FORTUNE (MARCH 3rd BIRTHDAY)
'CANARY
"I'll do it myself..."
They're not going to check my fortune?